Paulie thought his mind must have been playing tricks on him during this obscene hour of the night. After all, Paulie’s track record with late-night scares isn’t exactly one that people would kill to have. Nonetheless, he effortlessly slid his feet into his Uggs slippers as he swung his legs over the side of his bed. Paulie stumbled for the clock on his night-table to try and discern which ungodly hour he happened upon. As his eyes focused, he made out the 5 and the two zeros with alarming ease. He shouldn’t have been up this early, but his stomach begged to differ. And his stomach always got its way.
In a state of stupor with which he was all too familiar, Paulie trudged on like a zombie of sorts through the wee hours of the early morning, away from his mattress which offered him safety from the night’s demons for the last several hours, past that useless and forsaken bed on the side of his room, past his bookshelf full of books he would most likely never open again and finally through the portal to his pristine bathroom.
An unfortunate prisoner to his body’s needs, Paulie took his place atop his porcelain throne and began to relinquish his body to the willpower of the beast which lived within his stomach. The sooner I get it over with…Unfortunately for Paulie, as he pulled up his trousers and rinsed off his hands, just a minute after manning his turret, the pain was just about to begin. A pain with which he was all too familiar, a pain with which his fondness had depleted and come to a shuddering halt. Paulie was filled with anger, rage and resentment for his increasingly difficult to live with habit of waking up extremely early just to empty his tank, so that he could take the necessary time to recuperate.
That day, Paulie decided that even though the problem had gone away for a while, it’s been back for three months now, and that’s three months too long. The time to act is now. He made an appointment for his surgery for that upcoming Friday, sat back and waited. Well actually, he went on with his life, and continued getting up extremely early to answer nature’s impatient call…until Friday rolled around. It was now time to change everything once and for all. A week or so of constant pain, in trade for the ability to use the facilities whenever I wanted to? How could I say no? Paulie’s logic seemed to make sense, and so he went ahead with the surgery and was back at home laying on his side before he knew it.
Indeed that week was one of the hardest of his lives, but was it worth it? Most definitely. He was now able to go to sleep later, and, better yet, wake up later. But, most importantly, after dropping off the kids to swim, Paulie was able to walk around freely without any worry of pain, sorrow, travail, trouble, or any other hardships of any sort! Was it a miracle that his rectum had been cured? No. Why was there something wrong with it in the first place? Paulie never found out the answer…